A Day in the Life of Me

Creativity Dam

I feel weird lately. My creativity seems to have run out, but I feel that I am on the verge of some huge creative outflow, and I dont want to miss it.

It’s a nagging feeling, like that feeling you get in your feet and stomach when you are sleeping where you are falling that stirs you to wake. That nervousness that causes your eye to twitch. Combined with a bit of  fatigue. That is what I feel.

My creative flow has nearly dried up, kind of like a dammed up river. The remaining trickle of creativity I have mostly gets ignored. I work a job that I tolerate. A job that leaves me with no sense of accomplishment. It’s not that I hate it, it’s just not what I want to do with my life. I feel that I am wasting my time there. But for now, it means a steady paycheck with decent benefits that allows me to support my family; a wife who is going back to college & my two little girls, pay for the house we just bought and pay most of the bills on time. It drains me, the hours are odd. I can’t really get things done that I want, while spending enough time with my family. I am always tired. I make an effort to do what I can in the spare time I have, but it isn’t enough. I have been looking for the little Dutch boy who’s stupid finger is keeping in my dam from bursting. I want to find him so I can kick his little butt out of the way. I have even been grasping at different mediums, some of them brand new, others more familiar. All while neglecting my photography; I haven’t even gone out on a photo shoot in months. I just haven’t felt it.

Inside of my head, I have been getting insanely jealous of those who have managed to harness their creative flow. People who’s life revolves around their art: painters, graphic artists, musicians, craftspeople. Those who make a living creating things that are beautiful and unique. I want to be them. Well I don’t want to swap places and live their life. Rather, I want to become one of them. I watch documentaries about artists and their work and I wonder why I couldn’t come up with the things they do. I used to think like that. When I was a kid, the ideas didn’t stop. I could come up with new ideas so fast, I couldn’t even finish one before the next started.

After college the creativity dam construction started. I got a job as a graphic designer, but I was confined to a certain format in a certain style, one that wasn’t really mine. Then I transfered to my current job, mainly because of the money. And for the last 5 years I have been doing pretty much the same thing day in and day out. During this time the dam was completed. I know it is eventually going to burst and just hope that I am ready to take advantage of the forthcoming torrent.

The question is, “What will be my dambuster?” Is there one particular thing that will cause it to fall, or will I just have to wait for time to erode it away?

My wife is back in school. She already has a degree, but it wasn’t really the career path that she wanted and she probably would have hated it in the long run. This time, she is doing something that she believes in and really wants. It will take some time. She should be done with this degree in two years. Then she will be able to go back to work, unloading my stress of managing our budget on a single income. Will that stress relief unleash the flood? Over the following 2-4 years, she will continue her education until she reaches her career goal, where she will be making the lions share of our income. That may just be my light at the end of the tunnel.

In the mean time, I just hope that I can get back some of the creativity that I am currently missing, and try to find a way to circumvent the creativity block that is my job,  that I will have to be enduring for the foreseeable future.

Have any of you overcome your creativity dam?

WOW I’m Lazy or Busy or Both!

I haven’t posted on my site in quite a while now. I have been really busy at work and at home. Every day I post a Picture of the Day (You can view it here). Also I am always trying to get new photo jobs, so if any of you need pictures taken, please get in touch with me.

Welcome to my new (online) home.

I recently moved to a new web server and bought a new domain for my photography (admillerphoto.com). I decided that this one would be perfect for me to set up a blog, on my own terms. I didn’t feel like designing and building a new site for this, I just don’t have the time. I plan to use this blog to get my thoughts and ideas out for everyone to read and critique. Hopefully I will be able to get this populated with interesting articles and blog entrees in a timely fashion. Thanks for reading this and please come back soon (and often!)